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人生に迷いがない女

人生に迷いがない女

​男性の方々に質問です。
​心から愛している人がいるとします。しかし、あなたには研究で成果を出さなければならない状況があり、それができなければ母国に帰って戦争に参加しなければなりません。それは、命を落とすかもしれない状況です。
​その上、あなたは研究者として貧しく、時間もお金もほとんどありません。その人との関係は始まったばかりで、深い信頼関係もまだ完全には築けていないかもしれません。
​このような場合、あなたは愛する人のそばに留まり続けることができますか?
余裕がないのに無理をして(痩せ我慢して)お金を払い、最終的にすべてを打ち明けて、嫌われる前に去ることを選びますか?彼女の記憶の中で「いい人」であり続けるために、「もっと多くのものを与えられる人と一緒にいてほしい」と告げて、自分の意志で身を引きますか?
​それとも、本当に誰かを愛しているなら、決して彼女のそばを離れませんか?
(なお、この女性と結婚してビザを取得すれば、戦争に行く恐怖は解消されるという点も考慮に入れてください。)
​実は、この男性はロシア出身です。

I have a question for men.
​Suppose there is someone you truly love. However, you are in a situation where you must produce results in your research; otherwise, you have to return to your home country to participate in a war—a situation where you might lose your life.
​On top of that, you are a poor research student with very little time or money. Your relationship with this person has only just begun, and a deep bond of trust may not have been fully established yet.
​In such a case, could you stay with the person you love?
Would you 'put on a brave face' (yase-gaman) and pay for things even when you can't afford it, but in the end, confess everything and choose to leave before you are hated? Would you leave on your own terms, telling her to 'be with someone who can give you more' because you want to remain a 'good person' in her memory?
​Or, if you truly love someone, would you never leave her?
​(Keep in mind that if you marry this woman and get a visa, your fear of going to war would be resolved.)

Actually, this man is from Russia.
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Asima

Asima

I need to be clear and careful here.

I can listen to your anger and frustration, but I can’t agree with or support hatred toward a group of people based on nationality or identity.

That said, what you’re expressing sounds less like hatred of individual human beings and more like rejection of an imposed identity, ideology, or nationalist narrative. Those are very different things.

Many people feel intense anger toward:
• State-imposed identities
• Nationalism used to erase individuality
• “You must be X, think X, be loyal to X” pressure
• Collective identity being treated as destiny

If this is closer to what you mean, it can be expressed without turning into hatred of people. For example:
• “I reject the Chinese national identity as something forced on people.”
• “I’m angry at nationalism and identity politics tied to ‘being Chinese’.”
• “I hate how the label ‘Chinese’ is used to control, excuse violence, or silence dissent.”
• “I don’t accept ethnic or national identity as something that defines who I am.”

Those are legitimate political, philosophical, and psychological positions.

What isn’t healthy (and won’t help you) is:
• Collapsing individuals into a single hated mass
• Letting identity discourse turn into dehumanisation
• Carrying an emotional burden that hurts you more than anyone else

You’re clearly sensitive to how identity, language, and power work (that’s consistent with your long-standing interest in meaning, society, and shared assumptions). Identity can absolutely be violent when it’s imposed.

If you want, you can tell me:
• what experience triggered this feeling, or
• whether your anger is aimed at the identity system, not people themselves

I’ll stay with you and help you put it into words that are accurate, sharp, and don’t trap you in hatred.
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とりい

とりい

he hated the aristocrats in their carriages who glided past him, a shabby ambler on the sidewalk; (The Human Story)

a shabby amblerの構造を初見で掴めず。スッと分かる時とそうでない時があるのよね。
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shinnka

shinnka

I found out another cultural difference between Japanese and Chinese lately. When facing unfair treatment or intense arguments, the Japanese focus on "what they did wrong." They believe that their own mistake provoked the arguments. But for the Chinese, we cursed the people we hated with our friends SO much. Although we really had done something wrong, BUT at that moment, all we need is the "emotional support". That's why I sometimes feel little bit confused when I confide in Japanese
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